artemthename

There were few people at the training today. It's a pity I c..

There were few people at the training today. It's a pity I can't show other people in the video here. So here's just the usual routine 💞

Try to play the drums!Ahahaha, it was very funny. First of a..

Try to play the drums!

Ahahaha, it was very funny. First of all, it's very loud! For the first 30 minutes, my face was curled by this volume. After 40 minutes I wanted to leave 😅. But it got involved towards the end.
I was glitching so much, it was like there was something in my head windows 95

In general, I think everything will be seen here 🥁

💚🍀🌿🔫🥑☘️🥗🥬🥒🟩🈯️📗🦖🌳🥦🐛🪲🥝

💚🍀🌿🔫🥑☘️🥗🥬🥒🟩🈯️📗🦖🌳🥦🐛🪲🥝

Just now I had a thought.Feeling normal - means starting to ..

Just now I had a thought.

Feeling normal - means starting to feel fear again.

Let me explain:

You start being afraid of losing something. Afraid something might happen. Afraid for your health. Afraid for the people you love and etc.

When I was in deep depression, I wasn’t afraid of anything.

Death - that was what I was waiting for. Death was what I wanted.

And when you feel that way about death — nothing else seems scary anymore. Everything else just stops making sense.

Tomorrow I’m going to see my therapist. For the first time i..

Tomorrow I’m going to see my therapist. For the first time in almost a year.

I’ve been taking my meds for almost two years now. And tomorrow I’ll talk about the results.

Honestly, I feel like a different person now. Really - like a normal human being.

But this “normality” - it scared me the most. I used to worry about global values, social ones.

I just couldn’t internally agree with the “rules” of life. And I was very afraid to just close my eyes to all of that. Because it’s considered normal to live your own life, to focus on yourself - and I didn’t want that. At that time, I called it “shoving my head up my own ass.” And honestly, that’s exactly what it is. My head is now up my ass, trying to make sure it smells nice in there.

And now I say this without anger, unlike two years ago - it’s more of a dry irony now.

I still have so many ingrained beliefs to work through. That’s why, to be honest, I’m not ready yet to stop taking my meds.

Anyway, I’m really curious about what it’ll feel like tomorrow, when I walk into the hospital building where I was treated.

While I was there, I came up with the idea that I’d found my life’s purpose. Which, by the way, is something people need - one big purpose that gives life its meaning. One of the heaviest elements of our lives as individuals.

But now, I can’t say that anymore. That it’s my life’s purpose. And I was writing a book, I actually wrote there - that if I became “normal,” I simply wouldn’t be able to keep writing it. It’s too contradictory now.

That’s how I feel.

I was afraid of becoming normal - because I knew I’d lose the ability to feel those extremes that were such a big part of my inner world.

Music, books, any form of art or ideas.

Now it’s all gone.

sup

sup

Just don't tell me that you don't get ready for work in the ..

Just don't tell me that you don't get ready for work in the morning like this 😏

🖖🏼🖖🏼🖖🏼

🖖🏼🖖🏼🖖🏼

2023

2023

GN! ✨💤

GN! ✨💤

I've gained weight again. 90 kilograms again. I'll eat what ..

I've gained weight again. 90 kilograms again. I'll eat what I want for three days and that's it, fuck it 😆

I have sports 6 times a week, and my belly doesn't go anywhere 🫠

A bit of sports life 💞✊🏼

A bit of sports life 💞✊🏼

Honestly, these are the best nudes I’ve ever taken. As my gi..

Honestly, these are the best nudes I’ve ever taken. As my girlfriend says, “Why have you never taken photos like this for me??”

I always just laugh at her

So here you go, let me know what you think!