themichellejeanfree

I’d like to thank whomever told my mom that WTF means ‘wow t..

I’d like to thank whomever told my mom 

that WTF means ‘wow that’s fantastic’ 

Her texts are so much more fun now.

I hate it when I forget my password and answer my secret que..

I hate it when I forget my password and answer my secret question wrong. It’s like I don’t even know me.

Some call it multi-tasking,I call it doing something else wh..

Some call it multi-tasking,I call it doing something else while I try to remember what I was doing in the first place. 

My 1st day as a crime scene investigator Detective: How did ..

My 1st day as a crime scene investigator 

Detective: How did this man drown?

Me: He couldn’t breathe underwater.

My brain said  “crunches” by my stomach auto-correct it to  ..

My brain said  “crunches” by my stomach auto-correct it to  “cupcakes”

Alcohol! Because no great story started with a salad.

Alcohol! 

Because no great story started with a salad.

A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure. 

A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure. 

Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.

Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.

There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs..

There is no elevator to success. 

You have to take the stairs.

You never fail until you stop trying. 

You never fail until you stop trying. 

D O N ’T   Q U I T 

D O N ’T

   Q U I T 

Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise.

Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise.

Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.

Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.

You know that tingle little feeling you get when you like so..

You know that tingle little feeling you get when you like someone…that is your common sense leaving your body.

If you are offended by the things I say just imagine the stu..

If you are offended by the things I say just imagine the stuff I hold back.

My ideal body weight, is yours on mine.

My ideal body weight, is yours on mine.

Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating bl..

Whatever you do, always give 100%. 

Unless you’re donating bl00d.

When people tell me “You’re going to regret this in the morn..

When people tell me 

“You’re going to regret this in the morning” 

I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.

Tough times never last, but tough people do.

Tough times never last, but tough people do.

Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unic..

Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn. 

If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s a tripod with one ..

If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s a tripod with one leg missing.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if all this is happening because I didn’t..

Sometimes I wonder if all this is happening because I didn’t forward that email to 10 people.

Saturday Sweetness....the white edit 🤍~Package contains 35 P..

Saturday Sweetness....the white edit 🤍

~Package contains 35 Pro Shot Images~

Wine is bottled therapy.

Wine is bottled therapy.

I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as s..

I don’t like to think before I speak. 

I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out my mouth.

Stuck between, idk, idc and idgaf.

Stuck between, idk, idc and idgaf.

The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.

The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.

Be YOU. The world will adjust. 

Be YOU. The world will adjust.