It’s been a long crawl over glass and got lava to get myself..
Added 2022-10-17 16:15:10 +0000 UTCIt’s been a long crawl over glass and got lava to get myself back to who I was before Taylor crushed me..
it’s so hard for me to trust anyone right now. Like I have so many new friends, who are miles ahead of where T & I’s friendship was.. and I’m still second guessing their interest. Like T & I used to hustle for each other. I’d get a photoshoot for us, she’d get us a job. It was like transactional. But at some point it became confrontational and a competition between the two of us. I hated it. I started to resent all the hard work I was doing. Which isn’t right. Friends are suppose to be there for each other, help each other. That doesn’t mean these new friends won’t be because she wasn’t. But I’m super stuck in my head about it.
These new friends hustle just as much if not more. I’ve had many new opportunities just by showing up to my regular events & spots.. Let me explain:
1. One friend asked me to be the number 2 in their show.. I don’t have to do anything but be there! Plus, I get to direct an episode!
2. Another friend got me into the magic castle, which is a “you need to know people” to get in type of place.
3. Another friend knows amazing photographers who I now get free headshots from. And the headshots are the best I’ve ever had!
4. And yesterday on my wasteland abandoned bus yard Photoshoot, I met a friend who is taking me to an exclusive red carpet A list roof top cannabis and Halloween movie party and I get to bring friends!
5. And last but not lease.. I’m hanging out with one of the leads of BigShot because they love my tiktok.. they literally messaged me & asked if I was Ted to hangout. Like normal people 😂
But even though I’m doing well in all other categories.. I’m still stuck on my hurt. I’m still dwelling on the hole I feel that used to be my love and friendship with T. I don’t trust that these people aren’t going to turn on me the first second they get. Or that they’re trying to get close to me seeing what kind of content I can produce when I’m on my A game. It’s such a bad anxiety riddled feeling I have now towards friendship.
