Let’s talk about mental health. I’ve really been in the mood..

Let’s talk about mental health. I’ve really been in the mood for some more long form posts. Today, as I lie in bed coughing up my lungs wondering if it’s a cold or covid or just burnt out from overwork… I can’t help but also really appreciate all the things that allow me to stay positive and keep pushing on. I will be the first person to admit that I’m lonely. Is that strange to hear? I’ve always been a lonely person, from as long as I can remember I knew I had a hard time connecting with other people. I felt like an outsider, and the best friends I made were always other outsiders who although different from me we could all relate to each other. Im now in my mid-late twenties. Time flies. And I think of all the days and weeks and months that I’ve felt so low, like “how do I keep going? Why is life so tough?” I think of the things that help me keep going. Friends? Family? My cats and dogs? Yes for sure. But you know what else? All the people that have supported me in my career and continue to do so. You might not believe it, but the first real time I felt I could make friends was with people I met online. I would go on Omegle and just randomly connect with people because it was easier than doing it in real life. When I started camming it wasn’t even about the money (although that helped) it was about the fact I could finally talk to people and feel like someone cared. That feeling has continued to stay with me this whole time. That’s how I feel when I answer DMs on here. That I’m glad to have friends that care about me and that I can talk to, even though I’m not always great at it. You have made a difference in my life and continue to help me, someone who struggled with the concept of loneliness on a daily basis. And yes I have a partner but it’s different to that, it’s a deep, aching pit in myself that I think I will always live with, but I think having everything including my online friends and supporters helps it from being all consuming. I look forward to making new content. I look forward to replying to DMs. I look forward to somehow repaying your kindness with my content.