i know ya'll come here for the lewds and nudes, but i just n..

i know ya'll come here for the lewds and nudes, but i just needed someplace to vent a little bit. :/ recently, I've been very out of it and unmotivated. i'm sure no one has really noticed as i try to keep up a silly, positive attitude on social media. i'm usually pretty good at keeping my spirits up in hard times, but i do deal with a lot mentally, and sometimes it gets very hard to keep up a smile. so here's a little update! my friend recently moved down here as he needed a change in life and needed to get away from his job. i told him he could stay with me for a bit and figure things out from there. i always want to be generous and help people when they're having a hard time or need it, but i underestimated how stressful this would be. i live in a very, very small apartment and it's a little cramped as it is with just me and my cats, but i thought i could make it work! sadly, this is not the case as it has f0rced me away from being able to freely work like i used to. i really wanted to stay branching out and doing more on here for you all, and testing my boundaries and limits. however, since this person doesn't have a job yet, i don't have the freedom to do that anymore. there's no room where i can go to close the door and just be alone. i usually try to shoot my sets in advance so i have at least two in advance in case anything happens or i get sick, etc... i also like taking random pics when i'm feeling myself and such. i alsoalso like shooting custom vids/pics for the people who request it. but now i can't freely do that, and as such, have to put customs on hold, or i have to just get to them /eventually/ which i really hate to make you guys wait that long. ever since i started doing this, it's brought me joy, confidence, and freedom. it's allowed me to start feeling more secure and comfortable about myself. i know when i'm feeling particularly down, i can dress up and take pictures and it will perk me up and help me feel better, but with not being able to do this, it's gotten me really down and not feeling the greatest. i really, really enjoy my alone time, and because of me having been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and on the spectrum, sometimes i REALLY need my alone time because i have to calm down and sort my brain out. being around someone 24/7 in a very small space is overstimulating me a lot and stressing me out. i am so forever grateful for everyone here who subs or interacts with any of my other social media. i appreciate you all so much, and i always keep pushing for you guys 💖 obviously this is just a bump in the road, and a lot of people will say i need to get over it because it's not even a huge problem, but it's just really gotten to me afterall and i needed to let it out somewhere. i'm v sorry for venting like this as i know that's probably not what you're here for, but if you took the time to read this, i really appreciate it 💖 lots of love and hugs 💖 -Lotus 🌺