Okay! So! The first fun fact is a personal fact. I had a h..

Okay! So! The first fun fact is a personal fact. I had a huge epiphany this week. I was sitting on FT with my therapist who lives in Portland and we were discussing past traumatic events. I was confused because I didn’t think talking about it over and over was doing much. So he let me lead, “Well, let’s talk about the present. Because it seems you’re doing really, really well. Let’s talk about what has worked. What has brought you up to this space.” Through this conversation, I came to the conclusion that maybe, JUST MAYBE, healing isn’t so much about dissecting the past and “fixing” a broken childhood, a broken family, or broken experiences that separated you from who you were supposed to become. What if healing is all about simply experimenting with new patterns and rhythms of thinking? What is the goal of healing is to start to pay attention to where you are in life and how you got here. Pay attention to what makes you feel whole and keep doing that thing! Regardless of what it is (as long as it's not hurting you or others!) To release the word “fixing” and replacing it with the word “experimenting” takes away the negative connotations and allows for a more freeing response to the trauma you experienced. Like I said last week, trauma splits you into little pieces. Whether it’s from some big event or what feels like a small detachment from the self as a youngin, the goal for healing is to come back to the whole self. And to keep trying new things! New relationships. New adventures. Some of them will work out so well that they will heal your entire heart. Some will set you back, motivating you more to get better and better which each new experiment. The beauty of this approach is you get to choose what works and what doesn’t! Society doesn’t get to pick for you. Your parents don’t get to pick for you. Not your friends, your neighbors, or even your partner. You get to pick these for yourself. It requires honesty, of course, and being honest with ourselves is a whole different topic BUT isn’t it comforting to know that we can be completely wrong about our worst assumptions about ourselves? And that we can also be completely right about a secret suspicion that maybe, just maybe, we are divine and powerful in a human disguise? I let others pick my major in college. I hated neuroscience. I hated it hated it hated it. I let other so-called “friends” diminish my power. I let my family and religion decide what was moral and immoral. It wasn’t until I removed myself from all that wasn’t working (my family, my past friend group, graduating college) that I began to naturally do things that made me feel whole again. My body knew what it needed and once i was out of the environment, I began to experiment. And here we are. This work makes me feel whole. I feel so connected to myself and to everyone I meeet through my job. I sometimes can’t even go to sleep at night im so happy with where im at. I even wake up early some days because I’m so excited for a new day. That’s a new feeling for me and I know that my old friends/life wouldn’t accept this part of my life fully and it kept me split into these different versions of me. My therapist explained to me that it’s about figuring out why you do this work. It doesn’t matter if it STARTED with your trauma. What matters is you’re connected, you’re happy, you’re not hurting yourself, and you’re following your heart. Anyone else’s opinion means nothing. Not even close friends and/or family. “You have the power over your own decisions, not them.” Do more of what makes you feel whole. Who cares if it's taboo or against society’s norms. Who cares if you look forward every day to making connections on OF. I fucking H A T E when someone is in my DMs explaining to me about how naughty he is for being in this space and how he shouldn't be enjoying talking with me as much as he is simply because onlyfans isn't socially acceptable. REMOVE THE WORD "SHOULDNT." Take it out of your fcking vocabulary!! If you feel most alive while you’re talking with other people around the world THEN KEEP DOING THAT! Again, as long as it’s not hurting you, your loved ones or the model involved….why would you stop? Who cares I like making erotic films and streaming live if it makes me feel whole and connected to my authentic self? If it brings me this close to myself....why would i stop?