feeling a lot better today - I’m usually able to bounce righ..
Added 2021-01-28 20:04:32 +0000 UTCfeeling a lot better today - I’m usually able to bounce right back after feeling my emotions and be like “YO I’m doing everything right! I’m educating myself! I’m nourishing myself back to health! I’m gucci- we gucci body.”
Other times it’s harder to bounce back. Usually around my period is when I have a harder time. WHICH doesn’t make it any less real or frustrating that it’s been taking this long to heal and return to a normal weight. It’s still frustrating. It’s just more frustrating and harder to rationalize my progress when there’s a full moon in the sky and all my hormones are sky rocketing.
I also think I needed to have to breakdown to be able to appreciate my progress more. I kicked and screamed (literally) then passed out. When I woke back up, I was able to take a look at everything going RIGHT and thank my body for the progress made so far.
I also named my liver. Lol.
Her name is Olivia. Get it?
and I thanked her for putting up with my suicide attempts and drug and alcohol abuse. I literally talked to the problem part of my body and reassured her that I’m trying everything I can to bring her back to health after 2019’s overdose where they didn’t pump my stomach.
- I think a lot of this is where the issue stems from. I took 4 bottles of pain killers and by the time I arrived to the hospital, it was too late. They just had to sit with me and hydrate me. Olivia had already gone to work trying to save me.
So my liver had to deal with that. And the stress of that time in general. And everything else she’s been through. Like no shit I have liver issues. No shit.
And no shit it’s going to take longer than a year to heal her. And yesterday, that realization made me sad.
ANYWHO. Thanks for all the love yesterday. Thanks for loving me when I’m baby :) I’m a lucky lady.
